No one is more surprised than I am that this weekend's Kansas-Missouri game is actually meaningful. If my years at Missouri taught me one thing about Tiger athletics, it's that Missouri always found a way to underachieve.
Missouri in my experience is not a team contending for a national title. Missouri is a team that brings out the weirdness in other eventual National Champions - this is the team that brought you Colorado's fifth down, Nebraska's kick, UCLA's 4.8 second drive by Tyus Edney.
This is not a team that brought you any meaningful wins. In 1996, Missouri fans celebrated a season-ending win against Kansas by tearing down the goal posts. Missouri finished the year 5-6, Kansas 4-7.
The next year, Missouri fans tore down the goal posts when they beat Baylor to become bowl-eligible.
Nothing since then has made Missouri fans any more accustomed to success.

Attending Missouri games from 1996-2001 did not teach me what to think about a team two wins away from the national championship game. It taught me to be a little nervous whenever the team was on the field, and especially if they seemed to be about to pull out a win against a highly-ranked opponent.

In celebration of this weekend's border clash, a few other things being a Missouri fan taught me:

* You should not bring beer into the stadium in one of those old sport bottles with a giant plastic straw. It does not lead to a pleasant drinking experience.

* The crowd should not throw empty glass liquor bottles at the opposing band. Even if it is Kansas.

* Goal posts are hard to tear down at first, then suddenly very easy.

* Schools get annoyed when three goal posts are torn down in a season, especially when the wins are over schools like Baylor.

* When a school gets annoyed at having to repeatedly replace the same piece of property, it is likely to defend its property with tear gas.

* Campus rules like no alcohol never apply to alumni who have paid money to the school for a ticket and parking spot.

* When a team goes 30 years without a bowl game, crowds will double when they finally have a winning season.

* It's easy to hate Nebraska and its fans, even though it might have the least hostile visiting fans in the conference. I don't know why. Even now that Nebraska is horrible on the field, this hasn't changed.

* Watching your team get beat badly in a sleet storm is not the best way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

* I fully expect both Missouri and Kansas to lose, leaving both out of the top bowls. That's just the way it always works.