i'm rooting for New Orleans

While this hurricane thing has been fun as a hypothetical excercise in the past, now the weather channel is telling me the best city west of denver and south of new york is in peril (of course, having been through a few weather channel hurricanes, I think their predicitions can also be a hypothetical excercise). I'd like to think they're wrong - I want to know all my bars will still be there. Not to mention the however-many -hundred-thousand of people who won't be able to leave the city.
Good luck.

sell me, you beautiful bastard

If a man is living his life right, he should go through plungers like he goes through toothpicks. He should have, at minimum, seven plungers.

I don't have any.

smells like wet whore

[NOTE: somehow the original post got lost. It was brilliant, filled with witty writing and cutting insights. The writing below has none of those things.]

I had the good fortune, or something, to see Bob Saget do standup in Denver. Going to the show wasn't my idea, but I was strangely curious to see Danny Tanner do dirty jokes.

Most of the show was Saget riffing on how he's really a dirty old man, and how fucked-up it was he was on Full House and America's Funniest Home Videos, where he became kind of a symbol for the worst of family-friendly TV.

The show was funny, although the theme ran out of steam before he finished. The jokes tended to have punchlines such as the one used for the title of this post.
However, one thing Saget does have is a sense of how to handle an audience. The opening acts had some funnier jokes, but they certainly didn't have the presentation down, and got fewer laughs than Saget got for anything he said. It's clear the man has spent a lot of time on stage.
However, I just couldn't stop thinking of him on Full House, which, I guess, was the point. And for those of you wondering: Saget says "Danny Tanner was not gay." Saget sings it, actually. It's his finale.

why don't the little ones get tired?

For nearly the last week, ever since I became officially unemployed, I've been helping Kirsten baby-sit her two nephews, one 4-year-old and one 2-nearly-3-year-old. Not quite a week in, and already I'm exhausted. This morning I laid on the floor just on the edge of dozing while they screamed and played and jumped on me. Then I think I'm about the age my dad was when I was 3 or 4 and I'm beginning to realize why sometimes my parents just disappeared or told me to. Also, gaining a whole new respect for what my parents actually accomplished in not killing me (or my siblings, I guess, but probably mostly me).
I do have some experience, however. Yesterday we took the kids to the pet store. As I told someone else, it's a lot like keeping track of people on drugs. They're easily distracted, have 20-second mood swings, no short-term memory and if you do it properly you can use suggestion to give them ideas they think were their own.
And then sometimes they just don't make any sense at all.

to bad ideas and rash decisions

My new toast. I came up with it last night - the bad idea at the time, as it always is, was a shot of Tequila. The rash decision was to drink it.
Now I have a new toast, and I'm very, very tired.